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Episode Catalogue

01 06.24.2005
trappers nuts

Trapper's Nuts

Virgin Podcastors Buttons and The Whore lodge complaints against their (completely fictitious) new 'employers' and struggle through two lackluster short story submissions, in this rather shakey debut of "Air Out My Shorts". A call to "Mama's Boy" (Brian) puts the final nail in the coffin... where we should have promptly buried episode 1!



02 06.27.2005
raison expectations

Raison Expectations

Faith restored by Bill Raison's delightful story submissions, Buttons and The Whore bravely demonstrate their complete lack of voice acting talent in "Jeffrey Lights Up".



03 06.29.2005
granny panties

Granny Panties

Buttons and The Whore unintentionally affirm the negative effects of smoking, as they both gasp their way through "Catching Butterflies" by Jerry Vilhotti. The much anticipated first call to "Angry Phone Guy" (famous for telephone tirades played on certain unnamed College Radio Stations in Canada) finds him in an uncharacteristically good mood with nothing to scream about.



04 07.01.2005
long bong silver

Long Bong Silver

The Word Whore, on location in South Beach, calls in for a special "Canada Day" episode and toys with a future career in phone sex. Buttons, less than energetic and far from enthusiastic, admits to engaging in a rather draining 'air guitar' session the night before and to missing his "sugar mama". "That Girl" helps us play 'hide-the-bong'.



05 07.12.2005
meat and goo

Meat and Goo

The Word Whore drools over Tim Clare's gooey meat - reading new meaning into the most important meal of the day. Buttons pops his safety cap. 'Angry Phone Guy' rips into the Hilton's... twice.



06 07.14.2005
monkey spank inferno

Monkey Spank Inferno

Buttons & The Whore crack the Bert and Ernie story. Preston helps Phillip Elliott spank his monkey. A lumpy park monkey gets up close and personal with unsuspecting tourists. A call to 'Uncle Underpants' finds him airing out his own dirty laundry. The Word Whore reveals her secret porn name.



07 07.19.2005
mark 7 meltdown

Mark 7 Meltdown

The Word Whore has a complete meltdown as she and Buttons foolishly subject themselves to a grueling 'on air' psycho-analysis at the hands of a visiting —obviously fraudulent— 'doctor'. A story submission by John Osborne uncovers The Whore's adventures in baby sitting. A call to 'Working Girl' confirms Preston's suicidal tendencies.



08 07.22.2005
grandmother pink eye

Grandmother Pinkeye

Buttons and The Whore make the tragic mistake of recording in the wee hours after a long press-whorin' night out on the town. Bleary-eyed, slurred-word scientific discoveries are made... mind-boggling, age-old mysteries are solved. Somewhere in this train wreck of an episode, a short story may have been half-heartedly tackled. A call to 'South B'otch' and 'The Rope Maiden' turns everybody's brown eyes... PINK!



09 07.25.2005
shuffle demons

Shuffle Demons

Preston and The Whore celebrate the one month anniversary of their first episode, their rather shocking arrival on the "iTunes Top 100" in Canada, and the announcement of their first contest. Episode features "The Demon" by Dave Aldridge and a call to "Chef Lech".



10 07.29.2005
the hymen blues

The Hymen Blues

Preston uncovers big gaping holes in The Word Whore's aura, while airing out "The Blue Man" by Chris Strange. A call to 'Banachek' - conveniently accompanied by 'Ms. Dizz' - further complicates Revirginization Procedures and threatens lab rats everywhere.



11 08.04.2005
Shack-a-lack-a-BOOM

Shack-a-lack-a-BOOM

While taking it up one nostril and in one eye, Buttons and The Whore begin to air out a series of shorts submitted by Sam Keenan. Clothes break out, cougars pounce, vultures circle and a long-distance pillow fight ensues.



12 08.10.2005
Taking The Piss

Taking The Piss

Buttons sustains actual physical abuse while airing out "Home" by Z.J. Maplin, but The Word Whore later comforts him with tea and dick. During a first time call to Independent Canadian Recording Artist —"LINK"— they learn of his preference for the produce section and an affinity for golden showers.



13 08.14.2005
Going Down

Going Down

Tired of mere boys trying, the Word Whore takes Michael Beckwith for a tumble. Preston's weekend in Richmond raises questions about "payload delivery" ethics among ambulance drivers everywhere. A call to Banacheck lands one step short and falls flat on its ass.



14 08.20.2005
Ship of Fools

Ship of Fools

The Word Whore gets up close and personal with studio furnishings. Tim Clare taps his way back into our hearts. Rainy days and Mondays might always get Preston down, but topless cheerleaders get us all off.



15 08.25.2005
Renewable Cherries

Renewable Cherries

While "fast forward five hours" might make for nice alliteration, it leaves The Word Whore hungry for a play-by-play of the would-be 'Boston 3-Party' in "A Very Misty Morn" by Wade K. LaForce. This first half of a 2-Part episode (which also marks the TWO MONTH Anniversary of AoMS) includes an extremely rare on air parley with 'Big Bad Bruce' - released from confinement just for this call.



16 08.29.2005
Sloppy DNA Sauce

Sloppy DNA Sauce

While Preston works diligently to finish off Mr. LaForce and his "stove-sized root balls", The Whore continues to find the lack of down and dirty detail difficult to swallow. A call to 'Working Girl' reveals membership really does have its privileges and surprises AoMS with their first ON AIR JOHN.



17 08.31.2005
Holy Load

Holy Load

Buttons and The Whore leave a lasting impression, though —from this day forward— both will live with the unsettling prospect of being struck down... either by The Almighty or Betty White. Phill Elliot digs yet another hole in his already crowded exotic pet cemetery and 'Angry Phone Guy' chimes in with more frighteningly slanderous celebrity ball-busting.



18 09.06.2005
Left Tea Baggins

Left Tea Baggins

Buttons makes commendable progress on a life-sized tribute to Delta Burke, while The Whore busies herself with small animals. An all-star ensemble rallies - from Middle Earth to San Dimas - for Chapter 2 of Michael Beckwith's fairytale series. 'Link' licks Labour Day Weekend wounds, barks up the wrong tree, steers clear of dinner plates and undesirable sandwiches.



19 09.14.2005
More Kilt Less Guilt

More Kilt, Less Guilt

The Whore dons pigtails for a play date. An untitled story submission by 'Abbey Normal' barely surfaces between porn anecdotes and musical trips down memory lane. Buttons hoses down the studio. 'Lulu Fontaine' takes a bite out of The Big Apple, while her husband drafts blueprints for his midget-free fetish room.



20 09.25.2005
sock it to me

Sock It To Me

Preston Buttons and The Word Whore offer up an abridged conclusion to the 3-part "Dandy Fairytale" series by Michael Beckwith. The Whore's 'thigh-highs' get an unexpected work out. A messy 'art class', with 88 Fingers Willy, puts oven mitts and sock puppets in some sticky situations.



21 10.05.2005
clothes encounters

Clothes Encounters

Straining nipples threaten silk shirts everywhere, as The Word Whore pants her way through "Chance Encounter" by Shameless Flirt. Buttons fires off a loaded pump action gun. The Whore stands to pee. No longer 'introverted', Hot Tub Tammy shares her fantasies and sheds her clothes.



22 10.13.2005
bonerfied surprise

BONERfied Surprise

Clutch Murphy has a bone to pick over Thanksgiving. Matteo Torretta adds some Italian zest. The Whore delights in discovering an unexpectedly kind AoMS mention on "The Rev Up Review", but it comes as no surprise when LINK shares way too much or when Buttons fiddles with his gear.



23 10.17.2005
Spewing Wild Odes

Spewing Wild Odes

Preston comes clean with his 'caught in the act' story, but poems submitted by The Redheaded Cock Knocker leave both Buttons and The Whore feeling very dirty. Working Girl demonstrates what will undoubtedly be an extremely short-lived new career choice. The Word Whore confesses inappropriate carnal yearnings for Air Ferg.



24 10.24.2005
2 hot 4 hockey

2 Hot 4 Hockey

A big burrito threatens to burn through Buttons' bowels. The Word Whore's blue mood turns a fiery red, when her post-show plans fall apart on the air and "Faller" —by Jules Delorme— taunts her with hockey and poetry. Banachek shares a little love, having found a real live human woman to keep him warm.



25 10.31.2005
boo-ooze fest

Boo-Ooze Fest

Prestacula and Whorevira rise from their coffins, slurp from bloody goblets and take a long scary "Walk In The Woods" with Ricardo Gonzalez for Halloween. Angry Phone Guy trumps the rich by making his own glass menagerie out of cat excrement.



26 11.06.2005
urine control

Urine Control

Buttons decides women should watch where they put their bare arses. "How I Nearly Killed My Girlfriend's Puppy" —by That Girl— raises a digestion dilemma. The Whore urges men to scrub their winkies. 88 Fingers Willy sits to pee.



27 11.13.2005
Bulk Belly Buttons

Bulk Belly Buttons

Buttons goes back into the closet. The Whore makes a mess in bed and gives "This Spot", by S. Butts, the flush. Professor Polymer shares the latest advances in the wonderful world of plastics. Preston finally pulls the plug.



28 11.22.2005
lego my log

Lego My Log

Just when you thought it was safe to look into the bowl, excerpts from "Poo" —by Dave Aldridge— takes AoMS 'where no whore has gone before'. After merciless probing with square objects, "Disco Lou" uncovers Buttons is not bumpy and The Word Whore is not "butt-friendly".



29 11.29.2005
back seat cootch

Back Seat Cootch

The Whore ponies up, whinnies for Prince, and accidentally gives birth to Godzilla. First time phone guest "Hot Rod" and anonymous story submission "Control" spin tales of fast rides, parked cars, and little women. Buttons accepts his lot in life and clings to The Word Whore's boots.



30 12.06.2005
dancing bare

Dancing Bare

Preston Buttons and The Word Whore celebrate their thirtieth episode with an unforgivable lack of fanfare, balloons, strippers and cake. Dick Hurtz takes "Henry" on a heart warming holiday spree. Guido Grande chimes in to remind us to say no to drugs.



31 12.15.2005
Oh Ho Lee Night

Oh Ho Lee Night

Brimming with the holiday spirit, Buttons and The Whore rip the wrapping off a gift that will keep on giving. "Travieso", by Malkavious Rostif, delivers a nice big package to a naughty little number. Electric Lee from NYC opens up his sack of toys and slips in a few unexpected plugs.



32 12.28.2005
jiggly bits

Jiggly Bits

Merrily rum soaked, Preston Buttons and The Word Whore tie one on and slap a big red bow on the last episode of 2005. The real North Pole makes a disturbing appearance in "Santa Helps Himself"— a festive load dropped on AoMS by B.C. Hooker. The Whore stumbles on a new ice sculpture technique and the true source of Aurora Borealis rears its big ugly head. Link sacrifices a goat.



33 01.21.2006
magic moose meat

Magic Moose Meat

Facing the combined challenges of long distance recording, nasty head colds and confusing foreign cheeses; Preston Buttons and The Word Whore finally attempt their first episode of 2006. "War and Doom" —submitted by Doomed Moose— rekindles The Whore's affection for lava lamps and pirates. Buttons finally gets around to finishing his life size portrait of Delta Burke. Gene Roddenberry rolls over in his grave.



34 01.29.2006
hunky dory

Hunky Dory

The Word Whore sets her sights on a shiny new knickknack for her mantle. Robert —producer of the Shades of Democracy Podcast— waves his dirty "Picnic" accusingly in Buttons' direction. EscapePod's Stephen Eley endorses The Whore's oral talents.



35 02.05.2006
original sin

Original Sin

Preston is a snitch. AoMS joins the MySpace cult. The Whore does a "bad bad thing". Part one of Z.J. Maplin's "Sins Quietly" dons something frilly and dangles from the ceiling. Bid Bad Bruce sweats to the oldies and picks on the elderly.



36 02.13.2006
raging heart on

Raging Heart On

In this very special Valentine's episode, Preston flashes his Ninja card while The Whore aches for twat recognition. Buttons and The Word Whore warm your cockles by mucking about in Malkavius Rostif's "You, Me and a Pool of Astroglide". Although The Whore's toy box is evidently situated very close to the mic, wanking is strictly prohibited.



37 02.20.2006
tit for tattletale

Tit for Tattletale

The Whore rats out Link's little sister and airs out her unkempt garage. The conclusion of Z.J. Maplin's "Sins Quietly" finds Preston Buttons wielding a dangerous piece of meat. Disco Lou calls in to woo his favorite gap girl. The Word Whore boosts seat sales for her private self-esteem workshops.



38 03.06.2006
slagbags and handrags

Slagbags and Handrags

Preston yanks his own chain. The Word Whore prepares for a British invasion. Dann H gets Irish on Buttons. Al from Long Island demands a peach from the Whore. Simon Wilkinson says "It Could Be You", but probably isn't.



39 03.10.2006
sir scumtongue

Sir Scumtongue

The Word Whore lays claim to yet another celebrity tonguing in absentia, while poor Button's patience with her drunken baby-talk babble is quite audibly pushed to the edge. Mike Dominic's "At His Own Pace" receives the highest story rating ever bestowed, shortly before experts have to be called in for The Whore's deep cleaning. The Barbie Dream House labels all its exits.



40 03.22.2006
fresh knickered

Fresh Knickered

Buttons loses his battle with the homeless virus. The Word Whore fiddles, while Air Out My Shorts burns. Lost recordings collect dust for good reason. Buttons and The Whore take a meatless road-trip with Michael Beckwith in "A Day In The Life Of". Z.J. serves up some silver tongue. Preston conducts a fruitless survey.



41 03.28.2006
tie-dyed legs

Tie-Dyed Legs

The Word Whore defiles Mother Earth. Buttons tie-dyes a tree-hugger. Craig, from the Tangents podcast, oils up his harness and breaks out all the toys in part one of "Moonlight". Invisible sex organs dig up frightening images from Preston's childhood. Hairy Barbarian's run from wayward butt-plugs.



42 04.10.2006
manhole down under

Manhole Down Under

Buttons gives birth to the Antichrist, while The Whore drops acid and goes 'walkabout'. Preston denies his resemblance to Chicken Little. Part two of "Moonlight", by Craig from the Tangents podcast, delivers only part of its juicy payload before cutting out for a Ginger-MaryAnne sandwich.



43 04.19.2006
maxim um whore

Maxim Um Whore

Preston finally gets his dirty mouth washed out with soap. Despite ongoing rumors and an unfortunate haircut, Angry Phone Guy's wardrobe confirms his heterosexuality. The Word Whore gives up both her ass and her dignity for Lent. "Where You'll Find Me" by DG is sad and it's sad and it's sad too. Link joins Buttons in the studio for "The Redneck Review".



44 05.03.2006
tears are not enough

Tears Are Not Enough

Buttons expresses concern about a lack of alcoholism in Toronto's podcasting community. The Word Whore blows a peeper. Robin Kirkman, author of "Rakth in The Beginning", suffers a gender identity crisis at the hands of The Whore and cancels his/her subscription to AoMS due to Preston's assholishness.



45 05.11.2006
Ream Oh Wet Wood

Ream Oh Wet Wood

While The Word Whore gives Frank Stallone more air time than he's had in almost twenty years, Preston Buttons deftly dodges bullets. Jessica's "Not Just Another One Night Stand" sites some important advances in erotic robotics. The Whore finds a certain foamy stick a little hard to swallow.



46 05.23.2006
Diamond Dogs

Diamond Dogs

Escape Pod's Stephen Eley gives Buttons the Sci-Fi shaft. The Word Whore seeks a sugar daddy with deep pockets and fewer cavities to keep her puffing and panting. "The Wrong Excuse", by Dan Manning, warns dope peddling jive turkeys about infectious ferrets. Hungry hounds lick their chops, while Preston polishes his drumsticks.



47 05.29.2006
Thy Will Be Dung

Thy Will Be Dung

The Word Whore casts her shiniest idol aside and checks herself in to the nearest knitting circle. Will Waverly, author of "Pointless Parable", politely asks Buttons to eat dung and die. Preston plays possum while top secret plans for the new Tickle-Me-Buttons plush toy —bound to be all the rage, Christmas 2006— are inadvertently lactated.



48 06.11.2006
Let Them Eat Cake

Let Them Eat Cake

It's forbidden cocktails in a skank pad, when Buttons divulges the latest in kitchen trends. The Word Whore places an order for some piping hot TTN pepperoni. "Clucksome Cockadoodleanamus Book", by Martyzilla, ruffles a few feathers before helping Bjork land the lead in the sequel to ET. Buttons and The Whore finally engage Angry Phone Guy in a long overdue three-way.



49 06.19.2006
Lawn Drippings

Lawn Drippings

The Word Whore suspects South Beach residents of watering their lawns. "Porcelain Dreams", by Mike Difeo, fails to bring out Preston's romantic side. The William Shatner School of Acting is finally forced to close down. The Whore tries to play Chuck Woolery for Buttons and first time on air guest Dr. Whom, but gravity isn't cooperating.



50 06.26.2006
Fuzzy Luggage

Fuzzy Luggage

Clean-shaven and sporting modern pants, Buttons and The Whore celebrate the One-Year Anniversary of AOMS. Spiderman's package shrivels at the silver tongue of a slippery little green fellow. "Tempting The Nerd", by Paul B. Edwards from PUNKY! Radio, smashes Preston's arsehole. TTN makes The Whore feel really really dirty.



51 07.22.2006
Funnel of Love

Funnel of Love

Reunited after seven months, Buttons and the Whore find they have nothing to say to one another. Post Punky stress leaves Buttons beaten. The Whore takes double fisting to its next logical level. The surreal "Good Morning Toronto", by Stunt Pig, brings Buttons honking to the ledge. A birthday call to 88 Fingers Willy finds him looking to clean house.



52 08.14.2006
Bad Dates

Bad Dates

The Word Whore hits high celebrity as stiffly as she can. Buttons' recurring crabs cause him to lose face. A painful phonecall to Big Johnny drives the hosts to look for an escape. Part 1 of "Calchas" by Dave Aldridge has the Whore dreaming of tall shiny towers of manhood.



53 08.21.2006
Private Ears

Private Ears

Preston threatens to spontaneously combust, as The Word Whore's dysfunctional mouth spills out all of Angry Phone Guy's sword-fighting secrets. Part two of "Calchas", by Dave Aldridge, decomposes after a wormy bout of consumption. The Whore rules out another 'entry' as unwilling. Buttons breaks his promise to the proper Mrs. E.



84 08.07.2007
Neutral Peelers

Neutral Peelers

Much to Preston's audible dismay, Shaggy Fancy Pants staggers by the AoMS studio to get boozed and bring sexy back. The Word Whore adds a large dose of frankness to her 'to do' list. "Broken Angels" - a FISH story of figurines loved and lost – gets much more lost than loved, in this beer-soaked trainwreck from the cutting room floor.



85 08.27.2007
Jimmy Hats

Jimmy Hats

Preston pees on the competition. The Whore staggers back to her roots. Mark Duhe's "Reclamation" runs Native American gymnasts and contorted eunuchs out of Kansas. Dreamy Dean gets a grip on his inner fluffer, prompting Link to run away and join the circus



86 09.03.2007
Eat The Rich

Eat The Rich

Kevin Smith threatens to foul up Festivas Tet!Anus. Shane Passon and Amy Mann lure exploratory foragers down their crumb-laden treasure trails in "The Colony". Strapping on Super-slider Snow Skates and setting his sights on Aspen, Angry Phone Guy tears yet another sparkly strip off the well-to-do.



87 09.16.2007
Better Than Dirk

Better Than Dirk

The Whore lets Preston hitch his insignificant wagon to her crap-purveying star. Young Bulls guard family jewels from dear old Dad. "Demon Hunter", by Dan Manning, is much better than dirt. Buttons shops in The Underworld because redheads prefer brown, but Scott (TTN) won't wear satin to ward off Pauly B 's pond-crossing beer fingers.



88 10.15.2007
Moistened and Mashed

Moistened and Mashed

Rock 'n' roll is complicated. Escape Pod's Steve Eley spews all over the Expo. Buttons bakes a Hell's Angels Food Cake. In the Navy, DocZim can check out your disease. In the Navy, yes, you can contract STDs. The Whore begs for mercy.



89 10.29.2007
Buffing The Pumpkin

Buffin The Pumpkin

Preston Buttons and The Word Whore serve up two heaping helpings of Purple Puddle Nut Pie. Jack Black gets no slack. Buttons has no seeds. The Whore pimps out the two of them. Happy Halloween. This is not the best episode in the world. It's a tribute.



90 11.29.2007
Diamond Logs

Diamond Logs

This ain't AoMS. This is genocide. As they pulled Mary Kate out of the oxygen tent, Electric Lee asked for the latest party. In Wyeth's clever bunk, "How To" profit-dump, smart like The Whore he was. Preston Buttons freak he was. So pick through that bowl on your hands and knees. The diamond logs are shredders and they hide inside feces.



91 12.18.2007
Kiss Kiss Bag Bag

Kiss Kiss Bag Bag

Buttons sheds a short and curly. The Word Whore is googley peeved. Preston Buttons Jr tops it off with some royally spoofed special sauce. Dreamy Dean hangs, so the hotline (305-76-SHOWS) gets a long overdue D 'n' C.



92 01.15.2008
Cheese Wii

Cheese Wii

1998, the unofficial year of the hedgehog, rolls out with a rodent-infested fable by S.J. Marky and a still-un-beta-tested MacDaddy GMG debut. Preston goes back to school to learn to party like a pope. The Whore's alpha tail theory is full of gassy bacterial holes and the land down under becomes a safe haven for pie-dodging Irish possums.



93 01.20.2008
YITCH

YITCH

AOMS inspires the first scratch-n-sniff Farmer's Almanac. Winter rips Buttons a new one. Bill Clinton leaves an indelible mark on the lesbian community. Maqx gets mad enough to make "Mel" sing soprano. 191 Randall goes for the jugular and The Word Whore finds decapitated roosters a little tough to swallow.



94 01.30.2008
Gizzy Tissue

Gizzy Tissue

The Whore is chronologically challenged. Fish shares his meat treat with Colonel Chicken Diddler, while Buttons suffers a stroke. Banacek rolls back from Sin City without his hand-cannon. What happens in The Gun Store, should probably stay in The Gun Store.



95 02.24.2008
My Little Pelt

My Little Pelt

The new Pauly B action figure comes with its own cancer-causing comb-over cream-rinse. Lord Felton Pole reveals the secret to a successful marriage. 88 Fingers Willy flounders under parental lock down. The Whore helps vain elephants turn a lighter shade of grey and Buttons finds religion.



96 02.28.2008
Less Thin Lizzy

Less Thin Lizzy

Buttons masters the telephone. Void Munashii squeezes into his ess-less unitard to fend off Gap-happy zombies in "Mallville". The Word Whore advocates tough love for self-loathing snipers. Disco Lou goes down all day long, even after his wing-man falls flat. They paved paradise and put up Mississauga.



97 03.31.2008
Saccharinly So

Saccharinly So

Afternoon regurgitation turns Buttons green with envy. Joseph J Jolton polishes a petrified piece of Victorian feces. The Word Whore exhumes a canine corpse. Edible big bully King Minos Del Toro rallies a rabble regime, but it's all Greek to AoMS.



98 04.11.2008
Age of Consent

Age of Consent

Buttons enjoys himself. The Whore gets stupider. William Grant Preston does "The Deed" in a dark park with Marky Mark and Slutty McSlutSlut drops the soap.



99 05.30.2008
Vertical Smile

Vertical Smile

The Word Whore takes a vow of silence. I Am Webster flashes his jugs. Dreamy Dean manages to conceal his privates, even while rolling off the rock, but Buttons brazenly unclasps his semi-wooden cloister.



100 06.25.2008
Tastes Like Chicken

Tastes Like Chicken

Just-a-Joe helps AoMS drag its sorry lagging arse into year 3 — w000t! Drunk with power, The Whore blows another mic. Ernst and Young count Buttons offspring before they hatch. Chad Hanson spreads his ash, as Jim Henson rolls over in his grave. Be careful where you dip your quarter-chicken, Canada is a nice clean place.



101 07.08.2008
Same Show Different Pile

Same Show, Different Pile

AoMS rolls around in the warm squelchy aftermath of their much celebretated 100th. The Whore edits lamb screams from her Moussaka. A big fat Greek conflict prevents Preston from a life of piracy. John Doer doesn't know her, but he does dabble in dwarf tossing.



102 07.18.2008
Nice Melons

Nice Melons

Buttons sniffs out the homeless. Josh (The Listener) totally gives away "The End of The Movie". The Word Whore riffles through Tarantino's wank-o-dex with her bare toes. 191 Randall Crescent has to ferment the fruit before planting his seed, but he'll happily share the sloppy seconds.



103 08.14.2008
Catcher In The Eye

Catcher In The Eye

Mike Dominic floods the AoMS studios after studying horny hamsters, but that's another story. Dreamy Dean reinvents the rock 'n' roll death. Best Boy Electric, You Know Bernie You Know Bernstein, can't get a grip on his gaffer.



104 09.11.2008
Tickle-Me Alamo

Tickle-Me Alamo

Preston's car-bombing license is revoked due to Alzheimer's. The Word Whore voluntarily enters a facility for the treatment of sex addiction. Sanchez sacrifices eternal life to appease the furry masses and Banachek drowns in a sea of virgin cougars.



105 09.23.2008
Shiver Me Livers

Shiver Me Livers

Preston wins another wet T-shirt contest. Clooney misses his true calling, once more, but sometimes that's just how the cooch curdles. Having failed to check expiration dates, Doctor Wood spoils a perfectly good "Sunday Afternoon". Bartender Matt helps The Whore pick out a new pillow.



106 10.21.2008
Magic Juice

Magic Juice

Fish feeds on Preston's stomach contents and Chad's leftovers. Johnny Favourite plays hide the sausage with 10,000 Maniacs. Belinda Carlisle gets the clap, but The Whore's lips are sealed. Chris Elliot continues to live.



107 11.18.2008
Yukio Ono

Yukio Ono

The Whore safeguards Preston's mattress against years of Irish Spring. Yukio breaks out the champagne and teaches the Poles a thing or two about going Dutch. Lulu Fontaine finds Jesus and draws the line at Meth.



108 01.27.2009
Not in Public

Not In Public

Buttons loses another leading man. The Whore tires of limb-dropping leprechauns and gives hamsters another go. Jukebox Review hosts, Honey and Dick, know lubrication is the key. Angry Phone Guy's anger management classes have really paid off, unless you're a Honey who's hiding a Dick.



109 03.02.2009
Unencucumbered

Unencucumbered

The Word Whore proves it's all been done. MaxMax puts the faux-fur-trim on his sisters nakedity. Banacek hits the bricks, because beer is for closers. Buttons reveals plans to smuggle a busload of Native Canadians into the States.



110 04.07.2009
Red Albino

Red Albino

Beloved medic, DocZim, revives AoMS from parts unknown. Asheron Razorbeam shaves off a short short in his sleep. Preston Buttons furrows his upper eye-sockets when light penetrates The Word Whore's ass-cam.



111 04.22.2009
Cockroach in Hand

Cockroach in Hand

Preston Buttons makes a new friend. The Whore isn't fooling anybody. Stephanie Scarborough makes room on her rusty casting couch for a scotch-swilling EMO cowboy. Mickey Rooney survives the apocalypse.



112 05.08.2009
Dust Petals

Dust Petals

Preston yaks up a Manhattan for KATG. MaxMax claims "Asha" is new, but The Whore had already seen it, Buttons already owned the album, and The Right Rev Chumley erstwhile erected its Church. Neapolitan socks don't taste like strawberries and yet incense by any other name would smell as sweet.



113 05.12.2009
Side By Each

Side By Each

The Word Whore swings both ways. Phil Collins is a KATG groupie. Charlie Sheen has been shellacked. Buttons finds shiny bits of Harry Potter in his potty. Void Munashii's neo-noir cinderella story, "Nick Iron and the Case of the Lost Shoe", dispenses an expanse of thigh.



114 06.04.2009
Cirque Du Scissoring

Cirque Du Scissoring

AoMS runs away from the circus to relive prepubescent glory days. Preston asks Marianne Faithfull for his bum back. The Whore is perplexed by elective sex. Sir Michael's "LUST" gets a hands-down "thumbs up", although it might be best for Buttons to "tuck it away for awhile".



115 07.08.2009
Puck Burger

Puck Burger

Preston Buttons spews his seedy secrets, while The Whore blows her own horn. Creepy or not, Graham from Canada chooses double-entry and a veritable flood of AoMS hotline callers are foiled again.



116 07.22.2009
Double Tall Skull Cap

Double Tall Skull Cap

Buttons continues to reject all signs of the apocalypse. Brian Lieberman cries out for a bloody coffee break. Against all odds, AOMS's four-year fungal infection persists.



117 07.23.2009
Chet Anus

Chet Anus

The Word Whore soaks the final frontier. An Entertainment Troupe tries to change the station, but falls into a prophesied void. Send AOMS your stories. Jazz hands. Cha.



118 09.15.2009
Rumspringa

Rumspringa

Buttons jacks up a healthy spike, despite technical difficulties. AOMS exhumes Phil Foster. After having completely blown her roving reporter role, The Whore passes out under a warm Amish soap box.



119 09.18.2009
Sole-Saving Sacrifice

Sole-Saving Sacrifice

Buttons strays from his flock. The Word Whore makes an offering to the porcelain god. Doc Zim forces Ryan Saunders to wear flip-flops in Hell. The Right Rev Chumley bathes in sacramental wine.



120 09.29.2009
Zap Your Pee Ram

Zap Your Pee Ram

88 Fingers Willy delivers the mail. AOMS is forced to settle for General Eley's sloppy seconds, in lieu of stories, and user-submitted urine samples, in lieu of cash. The Whore is finally put out to pasture.



121 10.07.2009
The Reflex

The Reflex

Buttons gets caught spooning at the movie theatre. Aria Solomon visits the doctor and opens wide. Some fishy broads lure porn-stars to their payload, while Ancient Egyptians car-jack The Word Whore's brain.



122 10.15.2009
Spirate Pies

Spirate Pies

Buttons plays with his shortwave radio. Mike Dominic pulls a spoonful of "McGonegal" out of his carpet bag. The Word Whore learns Navaho in hopes of becoming another numbered honey-glazed ham smuggler.



123 10.21.2009
Whittled McDick

Whittled McDick

Keith McNally's quest for beaver is not unpleasant. AoMS wins the Nobilis prize. The Word Whore exercises her squatter's rights, Buttons stares at goats, and somebody (outside of New York) definitely sucks.



124 10.30.2009
Dinosaur Feathers

Dinosaur Feathers

Last call for monkeyishness! Buttons, well into his first trimester, fails to get the creative juices flowing under the tell-tale black-light. Doc Zim endeavors to erupt and fill the bag, just to hear The Whore gasp for air.



125 12.02.2009
Verbal Leakage

Verbal Leakage

Fancy butt bling settles Preston's upset stomach. The Word Whore (clearly under the influence of agrarian pharmaceuticals and cheese) plunders Hashashan's village, pillages the faux French Bible, and puts it all away wet.



126 12.09.2009
Down With OPZ

Down With OPZ

The Word Whore likes it white and floppy. Dustin Manly loves to waggle his fishy bits, but finds it rather hard to smile with his pants down. Buttons takes an octuple shhhhhhh and swims in it.



127 12.29.2009
Naked Lunch

Naked Lunch

Those who can't do, teach. Those who can't teach, counsel. Oh, the ironing! The Whore has sketchy memories of her noisy chinese roomate's strap-ons. Nobilis throws a hen party: pack a lunch, BYO (juice) Box. Mustaches are made of hair.



128 12.30.2009
Coyote Itchy

Coyote Itchy

Buttons and The Whore suffer a minor story stroke and accidentally rehash Hashashan (complete with identical banter, all these "years" later). Thankfully, BDOOMED is on hand with the vaseline to help put it away wet... again.



129 02.04.2010
Phallic Allergy

Phallic Allergy

With or without professional dancing bugs, Buttons might get old before he dies. The Word Whore Shatners all over Francis Scott Key and his little internet pimp too.



130 02.05.2010
Inner Child

Inner Child

Canada is big. Keith McNally gets a chance. Starman serves up a mean bottle of Mad Dog 20/20. Buttons is forced to find his voice, because The Word Whore's is infected.



131 02.19.2010
Playing God

Playing God

The Word Whore chastises children and smites sunflowers. Brian Lieberman offers a burnt sacrifice and snuffs a bush. Preston would sow some seeds, but he lacks the constant flow of nutrients to his stem.



132 03.05.2010
Technical Constipation

Technical Constipation

Buttons clenches. The Word Whore drifts. Jon and Scott still need tetanus shots, after pummel-assing a short hyena. Hashashan boom-boom-pows a buddy for a teriyaki tongue sandwich.



133 03.12.2010
Logan's Lurk

Logan's Lurk

Buttons stalks The Word Whore's Aunt. The Word Whore stalks James Purefoy. Life clocks are a lie. Carousel is a lie. Hair sniffing has never seemed so dirty. No one has to die at 30!



134 04.12.2010
Geeking Out

Geeking Out

Buttons is a busy man. The Word Whore is very aware of her bathing suit area. MaxMax's candy-ass dragon mixes it with love-is-a-battlefield and makes the world taste like Cat Stevens.



135 04.26.2010
Irish Spittle

Irish Spittle

Having adopted Paganism for all the naked snakes, The Word Whore washes Preston's Catholic mouth out with the Blarney Stone. Z J Maplin stops being such a stranger - SCHWING! Party on, Whore. Party on, Buttons.



136 04.30.2010
Simultaneous Tastings

Simultaneous Tastings

Preston's semi-annual trip to the grocery store raises a few eyebrows. Mister A. Bell cuckolds the Drabblecast in three short spurts. Slurrishessly, the Word Whore ponders how often one should plug.



137 06.01.2010
SAUCED

SAUCED

Buttons finally forces The Word Whore to examine his banana. Magic mushrooms in the shower cause recurring fungal flashbacks. Katie is a girl!! But, once she grows some balls, the evening is totally wasted.



138 06.21.2010
Teetotallers Yodel

Teetotallers Yodel

Preston wants to be a part of it, while The Whore just seems intimidated by Keith Malley's Triple Threat status and his new foray into Fine Art. Dave Stites is truly awesome, and also boasts true awesomeness, but he has clearly never given NOR received a BJ.



139 06.24.2010
Deja Vu

Deja Vu

Oh no, it's happening again! Buttons and The Whore get buzzed on Sesame Street, Hashashan gets cold feet, and nobody wants to even think about that Egg Hunt.



140 07.02.2010
In The Toilet

In The Toilet

Five years down the drain, but Buttons and The Whore are flushed with excitement. Undarlegt reveals what's beneath his Icelandic pants, Banacek tries to C'Mon to Dreamy Dean, and Link drops a few Anniversary surprises.



141 08.28.2010
Effectus CXLI

Effectus CXLI

Buttons and The Whore walk like mummified Egyptians down memory-loss lane, but all roads lead to Rome. Jules Quinn takes a Nimbus MM to his "Writer's Block". Captain Peter (Easton) Wilkins rewinds back to MDCX to perform acts of Rock-n-Roll Piracy in front of the Prime Minister.



142 09.08.2010
Foreign Franks

Foreign Franks

The Word Whore is Cee Lo Green with envy that Jacquetta COULD have it: it was in her face and she DID grab it. A pudgy little man, with a head for radio, helps Just-a-Joe give "Swimming With Sharks" a makeover. Buttons might know what love is, if only he could pass inspection and enjoy the go.



143 09.19.2010
Ash To Mouth

Ash To Mouth

Buttons likes brown butts and he cannot lie. The Whore's family tree is infested. The Countless Screaming Argonauts conduct experiments on a plethora of penguin droppings. 191 Randall Crescent checks his teeth at the door, so he can speak fluent trailer park.



144 10.15.2010
SNAFU

Breaking The Seal

The Word Whore is a teeny tiny bit WAY TOO DRUNK, but that's another story. Still, Astromat is kind enough to take time out from "The War" to launder her pants after a night of level one cow tipping. Buttons finds time to stop and smell the roses, even after Metamucil.



145 10.30.2010
SNAFU

SNAFU

This Halloween, The Word Whore talks about something totally else. Buttons finally erases his head. Hugh O'Donnell airs out his North American armpit and his 85 year old meat. Keith McNally —afraid of heights and of taking a shot in the dark— exhibits no fear of being on top.



146 11.27.2010
G.S.W.

G.S.W.

The Whore struggles with a mouthful of metal, while getting rubbed the wrong way by alotta vegetable shortening. Buttons brings all the gadgets to the party, but his tiny fingers can't do the walking. Professor Swayze picks Full Monty over Peeping Tom. Banacek explores his hungry Episcopalian side.



147 01.12.2011
Puckered and Pixelated

Puckered and Pixelated

Turns out Mama's squeezebox and Papa's brand new bag are one in the same. The theme thong does belong in the toilet. The Whore debuggers censorship, Hashashan rebells, and Miss Holloway designs a tissue dispenser worthy of the cover of Good Housekeeping.



148 03.29.2011
Tricky Tongue Tricks

Taint Stains

Buttons and The Whore play catch up, but the refrigerator gets away and the freezer remains a challenge. Preston falls under the EMO spell of Macedo's (muh-SAY-doe's) "Bad Kids". Angry Phone Guy rails against becoming The Word Whore's mule.



149 05.04.2011
Taint Stains

Taint Stains

Although Lagomorph's "Plausible Reality" reads more like inconceivable fantasy, it leaves an unbleachable mark on The Word Whore's soul. "The General" (S. F. Eley) artfully ESCAPES his Salinger-esque reclusion, just to pop Preston's three-way cherry.



150 08.26.2011
Stinky Pinky

Stinky Pinky

TWW doesn't take kindly to the role of damsel in distress, but Sir Micheal Beckwith rides in on his trusty steed to stave off a close call "pod fade" and to spur AoMS back into lackluster action. Buttons drives like an old woman.



151 04.25.2012
Barfly Blisters

Barfly Blisters

AOMS 2012 "Come Back Tour" kicks off in NYC (with KATG) and crashes near Chicago, after plundering TTN's 250th Episode. Thomas Sullivan writes in on fancy new fangled post-its. The Whore doesn't know SHIT from SHINOLA when it comes to baseball, but she's certain Bass Players do always come second (Lead Singers consistently get first crack). Buttons takes a whiz in the TARDIS.



152 05.18.2012
Worm Can

Worm Can

Preston Buttons likes dick, just a little more than The Whore does. A nice clean Dwarf named Hortenfangle takes a tasty little Plot Plunge... MEDIC!! Ryan Saunders claims ownership of Steve Eley's snot. Amber agrees to get naked, if The Word Whore will tell her what to do. TTN's Scott strangles a cat.



153 06.12.2012
Crime and Punishment

Crime and Punishment

And so it begins... the Zombie Apocalypse: last one to the safe house is a (not-quite-yet) rotten egg! Joseph Jolton elects to give Preston a sore throat, cuz he isn't getting enough action at home. Herr Hardluck experiences a little car trouble on the MacArthur Causeway. If "love is all around", The Word Whore might just make it after all.



154 06.25.2012
Bigger Than Jesus

Bigger Than Jesus

All the veils drop as Preston Buttons and The Word Whore scratch their seven-year itch, commit a few deadly sins, and bring you all the wonders of the world on this 7th Anniversary episode of Air Out My Shorts. Steve (The General) Eley suffers from Penis Envy. Countless Argonauts stop Screaming. MaxMax gets on his high horse. More than seven braincells were harmed in the making of this podcast.



155 07.16.2012
Small Potatoes

Small Potatoes

Buttons puts a sock on it. Kevin Smith makes The Whore sad. Tim (Rhys!) Davies deletes his first draft and "counts", instead, on his cleaning woman's succulent lobes. Steve Eley scrapes a dead gecko off The Word Whore's boob, but steers clear of her vestigial tail.



156 07.22.2012
Jerk Off Party

Jerk Off Party

Buttons gets hot and wet and suddenly becomes much more interesting to The Word Whore. MaxMax 'tickles the fancy' of the wrong rodents, but it's consensual. Layers of Freudian layers are peeled, as The Mediocre Show's "Lady Tomorrow" makes The Whore all warm and fuzzy. Disco Lou gets old. Run Cannon, Run.



157 08.01.2012
The Smell of People

The Smell of People

Preston Buttons fancies himself an enlightened Renaissance Man. Katherine Heigl is the new Midol. Unlike The Word Whore, it would seem Nobilis Reed's new orally-gifted "Girlfiend" DOES have a tail. Despite high hopes, Angry Phone Guy stays in his box. Ribbit.



158 08.08.2012
Fill That Hole

Fill That Hole

Mrs. Buttons becomes a Monk. Das Rad is Das Loud. Simon Green "Trolls" the Interwebs. Brian (B-Doomed) Lieberman is "all growed up" and making his generous parents proud by dabbling in porn. Happy Birthday Word Whore!



159 08.31.2012
Joy and Pain

Joy and Pain

The Word Whore throws up in public and there is much rejoicing! Doczim bends over backwards to bring us another PLOT PLUNGER plunge, but he buggers it all up. While Banacek claims to be recovering quite well from his latest marriage, he's already seeking out "the widow maker". Hotness decreases with age... Go figure.



160 09.08.2012
Apathy and Atrophy

Apathy and Atrophy

Preston Buttons goes into labor. The Word Whore just can't get a grip. Brian Lieberman has a bad case of the varsity blues (or what would be referred to on the Mediocre Show as "white people problems"), in part one of the promised BDOOMED graduation episode special. Disco Lou voulez-effin-vous his way around Europe. Meh!



161 09.17.2012
And The Winner Is

And The Winner Is...

The Official AOMS Drinking Game has resurfaced! Preston Buttons hangs up his air guitar. Witch Doctors attack The Word Whore with an airborne shoehorn. The thrilling conclusion of Brian (BDOOMED) Lieberman's "Atrophy and Apathy" is aired out... AND the winner of the first ever Air Out My Shorts Summer Raffle, ever, is announced!!!



162 10.21.2012
Cake or Death

Cake or Death

For Preston Buttons, true romance is best served shrink-wrapped and vacuum-packed. Mike Dominic's purple prose dangles meatily from his giant Presbyterian plunger. The Whore Whore fearfully awaits the wrath of The French... and some people actually called the codio-aumment line!!!



163 12.16.2012
Assless Pants

Assless Pants

Hobbits and Dwarves and Trolls... Oh My!! Preston Buttons and The Word Whore make a steaming-hot-mess-pile of "O'Malley and The Gnome" by MaxMax. Dreamy Dean's aging rock-n-roll balls are holding up quite well, despite winter's bitter chill and Benicio Del Toro's firm grip.



164 08.25.2014
Gorilla Whore Fare

Gorilla Whore Fare

Buttons gushes endlessly about bonding with TTN’s Scott, in Chicago, over pizza... it’s deep! Carter Lee’s Blood Fire Apes wish their mojo had never risen from the silent safety of the bag. Disco Lou set to marry his high school sweetheart... again! The Word Whore can no longer settle for Plan D.



165 09.22.2014
Lights. Camera. Action.

Lights. Camera. Action.

Preston keeps his poor muttering 'missus' chained to the stove, without any ice-cream. Nobilis Reed pounds out "Lights in the Sky”. Dreamy Dean lets everyone down, again. The Word Whore fears she is being watched. And nobody breaks out in song.



166 10.07.2014
Freud's Slip

Freud's Slip

Something long and white and wriggling spews up from the mailbag, courtesy of ExParrot… it’s charming! Preston indulges his poly-curious wife, every other week, and The Word Whore sprouts a second head. Dodecahedron!



167 10.29.2014
Trick or Tweet

Trick or Tweet

Doczim lets Buttons and The Whore play with his fuzzy little “Hellspawn", against his fuzzy little ‘better judgements’. Orange is the new Navy. Twitter is the new Electro-Mechanical Rotor Cipher Machine. Here, Kitty Kitty.



168 11.24.2014
Zed's Dead, Baby

Zed's Dead, Baby

MaxMax serves up some swingin’ (yet, very unclear) alliterated alcopop. Banacek’s grasp of THE NEW 'promotional machine’ is as fuzzy as the machine itself. The Whore claims to have never put 'lips to rim’, despite what’s dribbling down her chin. Buttons ruins Christmas.



169 12.10.2014
Toilet Jewelry

Toilet Jewelry

Preston pretends to know nothing about picking through historical shit, while The Word Whore yanks her OWN chain …just a little too hard. TTN’s Scott STEALS (and then messes with) priceless Artifacts. MaxMax chimes in… literally.



170 12.24.2014
MERRY AoMS-MAS

MERRY AoMS-MAS

Seasons Greetings, to all, from Preston Buttons and The Word Whore. Thank you for your valued story submissions and your continued listenership. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!



171 04.01.2015
Soory, Eh

Soory, Eh

Buttons and The Whore reminisce about the dampening properties of Link’s DNA. DocZim stocks the mailbag, but risks a polite 10-Minute Canadian Shanking. Brian Lieberman readies himself for a soulless career and a B-DOOMED future family, but he’s ALL GROWED UP NOW and we think he’s gonna kick some serious A55!



172 05.24.2015
Murdered or Worse

Murdered or Worse

The King and Queen of “The Slush Pile” muse about their retirement and plug their much anticipated autobiography (celebratory parade to be held somewhere in Nawlins - TBA!). Fenwick Rixey sloughs off an unresolved secondhand tale of gay robs and fishy bitches. Dean shatters his dreamy image, but his wife picks up the smouldering pieces.



173 06.24.2015
Octopussy

Octopussy

It is the Tenth Anniversary of the first ever episode of Air Out My Shorts and THE ROOF IS ON FIRE!! Eric Lehmann’s dyslexia leads to a fishy dish. James Bond... Made in Canada?? Pauly B Edwards hedges his bets on a real live girl, while The Right Rev Chumley LIVES THE DREAM of copyright-infringement-free costume carving.